Improving Communication in Your Marriage
 
Yes, you can...
  

Improving marriage communication can seem to many like a daunting if not impossible task.

But what if you could do one thing that is easily within your power that would significantly and immediately improve your marriage...
would you do it?

At a dinner party the other night the couple sitting across the table from my wife and I asked a question that I get as much as any in social settings: "What is the main problem that people come to see you about?" (and before I could answer, he gave his own) - "I suppose itÕs communication." I responded that, ultimately, what people don't think about is that the biggest problem in marriage is simply that people are in them and people are selfish. Thatss true, isnst it? The greatest struggle in marriage is that one spouse wants one thing and the other wants something else -- thus the conflict. And, yes, communication issues certainly contribute to the "I want/You want" cycle, but in reality the core of the conflict is not as broad as most people imagine when they think about a definition for a communication problem.

Typically, when couples self-identify their problem as "communication," they normally are attempting to describe a variety of feelings they have about their relationship, such as, "We donÕt seem to understand each other," "We can't agree on anything," "We have nothing to talk about," or "We fight all the time." Those are definitely concerns in any relationship and couples need to change those relational dance steps to stop destroying their intimacy. However, the essence of the struggle is more defined than that. It's even a little more simple.

It's not that couples don't communicate...

it's that individuals don't listen.

Our communication problems are really listening problems.

Think about this question: Why do people yell? Everybody can answer that question and yet the obvious reason doesn't keep couples from doing it. People yell because they don't feel heard. And when we are in a conflict with someone and don't feel heard, our brain panics and our learned reaction to that panic is simply to say the same thing we've been saying over and over -- only much louder.So, do you want to take one simple step that will drastically improve your marriage? It will reduce stress and tension, enhance your marital intimacy, and do wonders for improving marriage communication for you and your spouse. Guaranteed.

Talk less and listen more. That's it.

Intentionally choose to listen to your mate. Worry less about the point you're trying to make and work harder at understanding what your spouse is trying to say. Focus on understanding. Decide not to contradict, put down, or argue against whatever they say. Just spend some time listening with the simple goal of communicating that you understand what your mate is trying to say.

The Bible says, "Be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to become angry" (James 1:19).  It works for marriage, too.

Choose to take the time to listen to your mate.

And watch how easy improving marriage communication can be.

Better yet, listen to how easy it can be.

Let ne help you improve your marriage. Book an appointment today.

Dr. Tim Gardner 
 

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